John C. A. Bambenek is Keeping Monogamy Real!

His Ravings of John C. A. Bambenek witnesses to the truth about marital fidelity. Behold the wisdom:

The realism of monogamy starts with the exclusion of all others, even inside the realm of the mind. Monogamy starts by not drooling over the latest flavor of the month presented by Playboy magazine, or yucking it up with officemates on the latest T&A report. It's pretty easy to choose to be faithful when you aren't in a strip joint, frequenting prostitutes, concerning yourself with the breasts of copuious amounts of women, or developing romantic relationships with other people.

Infidelity does not occur out of the blue. It isn’t like slipping on a patch of ice outside your house. There are those who go around sleeping with a bunch of people, and for them, I’m excluding in this because of the obvious character flaw. People who want to be married and stay married generally aren’t the type to sleep around as a habit. In marriages where the spouses have confidence and share themselves fully with the other, adultery is an offensive thought. That person is who you confide things to (a dynamic that needs to be worked on and developed) and who you share your heart with completely. When you start opening yourself up that way with another person of the opposite sex, you end up distancing yourself from your spouse at the same time. There is something about the human heart that wants to be shared completely with only one person. When you let one person in, you’re pushing another out. If you are spending your time with your spouse and building a life together, you just don’t have time or the inclination to go out and build a life with a mistress.

He also shares the beauty of his own relationship with his wife. I share his enthusiasm. By the grace of God and our own Foolish effort, the blushing bride and I enjoy a wonderful marriage! The heart of our love remains our unconditional commitment to one another. I know I can depend on her. She knows she can depend on me. I want to love her with the love Christ has for her. I know she wants to love me with the love Christ has for me. Sure, many times we fail to deliver. That's why we forgive one another and continue to love.

Fidelity remains the fundamental incarnation of our commitment to one another. I relate to what Mr. Bambenek says regarding the capacity of the heart. I have place in my heart that only Mira can fill. I believe she would say the same (but I wouldn't dream of speaking for her! :)) It makes sense. That's what we promised each other before God, our family and friends and the Church as a whole.

A married man and woman become complements of each other. Their love opens them up to the fullness of the love of God in a way they did not experience it before. Their total commitment to one another transforms them into living icons of Christ's love for his Church. Sex becomes the most intimate and wholistic expression of this commitment and transformation. Indeed, John Paul the Great went so far as to even find sacramental meaning in the marital act of sex. The two literally become one.

Mr. Bambenek introduced his post with the sad testimony of actress Kate Hudson:

Kate Hudson doesn’t believe monogamy is possible...She says she won’t cheat because that would disrespect her husband...Kate ... isn’t saying that marriage is unrealistic, but monogamy is. More specifically, she says it is ok if her husband cheats as long as he doesn’t get caught.

I feel sorry for her. She is so far from the wonderful truth of what sex is and how special the relationship in which it belongs truly can be. If more Americans agree with her on the realism of monagamy, it's no wonder the divorce rate in the United States remains 50%. (See below.--H.F.)

When more people come to embrace the truth of how beautiful monogamy in marriage truly is, then people will truly get to live the lives of joy and fulfillment they dream of on their wedding day. I pray that such a time comes sooner, not later.

Update: A Reader offers me a heads-up on the U.S. divorce rate:

I believe you need to double check your stats A recent report set the number considerably below 50%

He's right. I misquoted the U.S. Census burea's projection of the percent of new marriages that end in divorce. The current divorce rate, based on reporting states, is about 3.8 per 1,000. Thanks for the heads-up, Bob!