Disputations meditates on wanting Crucifixion without the Agony in the Garden

Is there any doubt thatHe is the master?

Just look at this:

But Christ was not simply taking advantage of the down time between the Last Supper and Judas's kiss to slip in a few last-minute prayers. His, "But not My will, but Thine be done," was the final and complete self-emptying in prayer before His death, His formal surrender of all that He was in His humanity to the Father. Without that, there would have been some trace of human ego in the Crucifixion, a blemish in the sin offering for our redemption.

Christians naturally think in terms of following our Lord to Calvary, and in our better moments express a sincere willingness to suffer for and with Him. But I think we sometimes fail to see that, in order to suffer as He suffered, we must first empty ourselves as He emptied Himself. Otherwise, all of our sacrifices, even to death, will be to a greater or lesser degree about us, not Christ. They will be, at least in part, acts of narcissism or boasting directing others to notice our own wonderful wonderfulness, not the infinite mercy and love of the Father.

If I had to be honest, I'd say self-emptying is not high on my priority. Don't get me wrong. I want to become the Holy Fool Christ calls me to be. The trouble in wanting this is that pesky "I". It keeps popping up. Instead of giving myself to Christ, I keep coming up with this "I" thing that wants to live as Christ would have me live. Well, I'd do more of it if I wasn't so "I" focused, now wouldn't I?

Can we be capable of such complete self-emptying? Of course. God's love awaits us. We chose to let it in or not. The truth is, when we empty ourselves into him, he fills us anew with who we are meant to be. We are filled with the true self whom he created out of all the universe in order to love first and freely. We become truly ourselves when we give him all of who we think we are. Can we do it? Why on earth or in heaven would we not want to?