Friday, October 21, 2005

Catholic Pillow Fight lays on the Smackdown!

Speaking of blogging buddies, Tony Miller of Catholic Pillow Fight lays the smackdown on family-hating columnist Michael Morford. Why? Well, if you haven't heard already, Mr. Morford presented the fine readers of the SF Gate with this wee screed damning the Duggar family. Evidently, the Duggars of Springdale, AR committed the unpardonable sin of welcoming their 17th child into their family. A family of believing Christians gave birth to seventeen children! And the family receives no public support! O the humanity!

But I digress. Tony has already said more brilliantly what I would like to have said. Here's a taste:
The bozo, whose name is Michael Morford vomits out this piece of hate-filled dreck, spittle flying about the Duggar family.

Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?
Not too familiar with vaginas, are you, Michael. I don't find that a big surprise. For your information, they are designed to deliver children. They are also designed for sex with heterosexual husbands. Matter of fact, vaginas can do both quite well even after multiple children, but then as someone who has gotten all of his information on the mysterious vagina from "The Vagina Monologues", I can understand your ignorance.

You pepper your hate filled screed with one liners like these.
"equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob"
"16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids"
"lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits"
"18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people with alarmingly bad hair"
"weird pathological protofamily breeding-happy gluttony"
"bitter moral warpage resulting from a massive viral outbreak of homophobic neo-Christians across our troubled and Bush-ravaged land."
These quotes are taken out of contect, Michael, but there's precious little context in there. There isn't much of a point to your article either.

But I think I'm starting to get the picture. Had it been a "viral outbreak" of "progressives". I don't believe you'd have a problem with that. There's an easy way to solve that problem, Michael. It involves taking off the condom, stopping the pill and refusing to abort your progeny. We "hyperreligious" have figured this out. You, obviously, haven't.

So the big surprise for you, Michael, is the fact that by not breeding in sufficient numbers, you are dooming those of your ideological bent to irrelevance within the next couple generations. Haven't you figured it out? Conservatives are winning by larger and larger margins each and every election. The Kumbaya Generation(tm) relegated to life at the dog track are slowly dying out and are not being replaced (after all, when they were younger, a woman had the "right to choose"). Choices have consequences and welcome to the consequence of your choice.

Let me put it simpler for you. Put your ear to the monitor. Is it there yet?

He apologizes in advance for his lack of charity in condemning Mr. Morford's rhetorical violence against a faithful family. I'm sure many of us appreciate his anger. This family has pursued happiness as they see fit. The pursuit of happiness is one of those inalienable rights Thomas Jefferson included in the Declaration of Independence. Mr. Morford must have missed that lesson.

Oh, wait, how could I be so stupid? I get it, now. Mr. Morford once again advocates "rights for me, but not for thee." After all, how can he trust a Foolish family like the Duggars to exercise their rights. Why, they'll just pollute the next generation with all that Christian nonsense. It's simply too unReasonable to stand!

Well, Mr. Muford, unfortunately, you backed the wrong horse. The proponents of your own precious and Reasonable devotion have now endangered themselves with extinction. Watch the birth-trends continue, Mr. Muford. And shudder!

Oh, yeah. And that laughter you hear? That's us--those Fools you'd neuter if you could. We can't help it. Watching you soak the floor with your spittle, while your vision of a Reasonable nation collapses under your own folly: it's too much. LOL! I can't stand much more!

Tony dispatches the shocked (shocked!), Reasonable Mr. Morford with impressive precision and melodious eloquence. Check him out!